Category Archives: 2 Samuel

Absolom absolutely dead, Joab berates David and God changes his mind: 2 Samuel 17 to 24

Loads of people die, including Absolom. Joab does some upward management, since his boss is a bit clueless… In which Joab gets given head by a wise woman. 2 Samuel 17 Ahithophel offers to do a surgical strike on David … Continue reading

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Rape, murder, treason; another normal kinda OT day: 2 Samuel 9 to 16

So, David shags Bath-sheba, sends off her husband (Uriah) to die. God is pissed off.  Amnon rapes his cousin, Tamar and gets killed by Absolom, who goes rogue. 2 Samuel 9 David tracks down Jonathan’s lame son, who throws himself … Continue reading

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David kills the messenger: 2 Samuel 1 to 8

2 Samuel 1 David is a dick. A survivor of the battle comes and says “Saul’s dead. Jonathan’s dead.” “How are you so sure?” says David. “Well, um, Saul tried to top himself, botched it, and I finished the job … Continue reading

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